Scream
by Jane-Alenko
Summary: Shepard & Kaidan have history, but after going through her death he's not the same person anymore. He was a naive lovesick boy, or so he keeps telling himself. His feelings for her never disappeared, but with Earth under attack, is it the right time?
1. Chapter 1

_This takes place during Mass Effect 3. Robin & Kaidan shared many flirty moments during their service on the SSV Normandy. But Kaidan being the shy & honorable man, choose not to continue any farther. When Shepard saves him instead of Ashley, the obvious choice, he realizes he can't ignore his feelings for her. Not wishing to interfere with the mission, he decides to wait till it's over & it's a closed case. _

_During a late night patrol for the missing ships, he looks for Shepard with the intention of telling her. Kaidan never gets the chance as they're attacked by an unknown ship, & after her death he carries strong regret. During those two years & after their meeting on Horizon, Kaidan has changed a lot. By throwing himself into his work & taking over many of the tasks Shepard would have done if she had been alive, he's moved on from her…or so he thought._

As Kaidan walks out into the hall, Anderson approaches him but he's distracted by the sight of Shepard in her Alliance uniform. This was the last place he expected to find her, but he supposed that after blowing up a mass relay the admirals would want an explanation. She hadn't changed at all, if anything she looked better than he remembered. She was wearing her hair up in it's usual bun, & he could see more definition in her body. At least she was putting her time grounded to good use & not letting it make her soft.

He calls her, & as she turns her eyes meet his. He can still see that fire burning behind her eyes, along with surprise & something else he couldn't pick up in time, because within a second she's closed her face to him.

"Kaidan" Shepard says, her voice assaulting him with memories of their conversations in between missions. One specific stood out among the rest, where she told him of her rough childhood, growing up alone on Earth without a family.

"How'd it go in there Major?" Anderson asks, as Shepard joins him.  
"Okay, I think…hard to know. I'm just waiting for orders now." Kaidan replies.  
"Major?" Shepard questions, obviously surprised & hurt by not being told.  
"You hadn't heard?" Anderson says, stealing a quick glance between the two.  
"No, I hadn't." Shepard says, covering the hurt in her voice & turning unreadable once more.  
"Sorry Shepard. It's been…well." Kaidan apologizes, not knowing what to say.  
"That's okay, just…glad I bumped into you." Shepard replies, breaking eye contact.  
"Yeah, me too." Kaidan says, as a secretary comes over to them.  
As Shepard walks by, Kaidan gives her a small smile which she doesn't return.

As Shepard walks into the meeting room, her thoughts drift back to Kaidan. She never expected to run into Kaidan here, just like she didn't expect to see him on Horizon. It seems to be a habit of his, throwing her off & making her appear like an open book. Kaidan's almost unrecognizable, baring no resemblance to the shy & caring friend in her memories. In the hall he seemed so cold & guarded, yet her heart still flutters at the thought of him. Shaking him from her mind, she looks to the matter at hand.

Her patience is waning & as they look on, watching the footage of the attack, the hair on her arms stand on end. Her muscle tense & she moves back towards the door a couple of steps, something is coming. A low rumble echo's throughout the room. The admirals turn to the window, as a reaper drops onto the city below. Anderson & Shepard back up towards the doors, as the beam hits the window & sends furniture flying. Turning to run, another beam hits again & Shepard is knocked back against a bench, blacking out for a moment.

Shepard awakes to Anderson's voice a while later, & they move to meet up with the Normandy. It feels good to have a gun in her hand again, & use her biotics. She charges at a pair of Cannibal's near their cover, knocking them back as she punches the closet one & runs to the next, shooting it in the head. Running out of ammo, she breaks from cover & charges at a large group of Cannibal's & releases a Nova, finishing off the remaining with her hands. Hearing the Normandy's thrusters, she pulls up a barrier as the Normandy's guns finish off the remaining Cannibal's.

Running towards the Normandy, she kicks a nearby Cannibal crawling to replenish it's health. She lands on the Normandy, & staggers off balance as a hand shoots out to steady her.

"Welcome aboard Shepard." Kaidan says, pulling his hand back & retreating to his former position.  
"Thanks." Shepard says, turning to Anderson. Her arm burning from his touch.  
She argues with Anderson, but understands that Earth needs a leader & she turns to go, not one for saying goodbye.

She stands with James & Kaidan as the door shuts & the Normandy moves to leave, catching a glimpse of the ruined city & people on the ground slaughtered.

On the way to Mars, Kaidan takes a moment to observe Shepard. She still has that intimidating & strong aura that commands attention. Otherwise there would've been no way she could have made James stand down, he's just as stubborn as she is, but he knows she could take him down easily.

Kaidan watches Shepard as she glances over James' shoulder, investigating the facility. Slight jealousy creeps in, as he watches Shepard put a hand on James shoulder & leans over to look at something on the console. Kaidan's aware the pair spent a lot of time together recently, James being hired to guard Shepard, they must have become close. But just as soon as the hand is there, it's gone & she moves to the door in front of him. He stands & moves over to her, following her lead & putting his helmet on. He frees his gun from the clip at his back as the shuttle lands & the door opens, Shepard takes point & James takes the flank.

They make their way towards the facility, & it becomes clear that it's been attacked when they hear gun shots. A group of Cerberus troops are executing workers. As the shot goes off, Shepard's biotics flare up & in the next second she's on the ground below. As the troops stand up, she launches a nova. Those closest to her drop dead, but her charge knocked many away from her & the nova doesn't reach them. James moves to help upon seeing her barrier drop, but Kaidan puts a hand on his shoulder, keeping him back.

"Just wait a second, she can handle herself. But just in case be ready to shoot if necessary." Kaidan says, as James shrugs his hand off.

Shepard runs to the nearest troop, throws a left hook & then punches him in the gut launching him over the cliff. She charges at the troop behind her & shoots him in the head. She dances around the group of troops, clearing them out quickly, as she attacks fast & erratically, panicking the troops. A troop grabs her foot, & she kicks him hard in the jaw, finishing with a snap of his neck. The last troop falls, & Shepard turns to glance around her.

"What were you waiting for, an invitation?" Shepard asks over the com agitated, as they jog up.

They continue walking in silence, as another group of Cerberus troops come out from behind a truck. Kaidan launches a reave, staggering them as Shepard charges at the rear of the group. James rolls into cover, taking out two from behind the truck. Shepard has them in disorder & Kaidan takes advantage of this, sneaking up behind them & shooting them in the head, not being one to waste ammo.

James finishes the last one off as they walk into the lift & the door shuts behind them to begin pressurizing.

Kaidan manages to upset Shepard when he asks her if she knows anything, & he can see James is more than annoyed that he brought the topic up.

The hiss of the lift done pressurizing interrupts them.  
"Please trust me Kaidan." Shepard says, walking off the lift & looking into his eyes for the first time since seeing each other again. Her voice is laced with sincerity & he can see how upset he's made her. Maybe there's hope for them after all.


	2. Chapter 2

"I do trust you, I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around your involvement with Cerberus." Kaidan says, putting a hand on her arm & turning her to face him.  
"I did-" Shepard starts, but is cut off by the sound of crawling in the vents. She shoves Kaidan behind a truck.  
"Later." Shepard breaths in his ear, getting goose bumps at his nearness. She pulls her gun free & flares her biotics, glancing around the corner of the truck.

The vent is kicked out, & out jumps Liara followed by three Cerberus solders, who are taken off their feet by her singularity. Liara finishes each off quickly with a gun shot to the head & slides her gun back in its holster.

Shepard walks out from behind the truck, shoving James gun away. They talk quickly & soon enough another group of Cerberus troops show up. Shepard sends James away after a lot of grumbling on his part, she'd have to have a word with him later about his lack of following orders.

They finish the troops off quickly & make their way to the balcony. The door opens & someone is shot down, thinking quick Shepard hides behind the wall. She inches along until she's directly behind a soldier. In an instant she shoots up & grabs the soldier, punching him in the throat, his airway collapsing. Then fast as lightening, she charges at the remaining as Liara throws a warp & Shepard's charge detonates the warp, killing all the troops simultaneously.

"I forgot how quickly you finish off targets, Shepard." Liara says, impressed.  
"Your biotics have undoubtedly gotten stronger since our last mission together." Liara continued, giving her a small wink. Sneaking aboard the Shadow Broker's ship had been fun & challenging, he put up a good fight but in the end, Shepard was better.

Kaidan noticing the exchange remains silent, & they continue into the next room, where they unlock the door to make it around the facility. The door is wide open, & Shepard quickly makes her way through the room. The windows open & she turns her flashlight off, ducking behind a counter. The Cerberus troops ready to leave, & Shepard stands, flaring her biotics as she readies a charge. The troops see her biotics pulse up from her feet, to her core as she smashes through the glass into them. Kaidan & Liara understanding what she was going to do, throw in a reave & a warp, & the resulting detonation takes out all five troops.

They move through the next two rooms quickly, wasting no time. On the other side of the door they hear voices, & all three flare their biotics. As the door opens, Shepard shoots into the fray. She jumps & charges through each room, taking out & weakening the remain troops for Kaidan & Liara to finish. Even with ten Cerberus troopers surrounding her & without barriers, Shepard remains calm & comes away unscathed. She's been out of combat for too long, & as she looks around after the last solder is taken care of, the bodies are a mess. Not like she cares, but Liara must be right about her biotics, some of the bodies are in pieces.

—

Kaidan can barely keep the look of astonishment off his face as he looks around the room at the bodies. He knew her biotics were strong, as strong as his, but now it looks like she's surpassed him again. Maybe he hasn't been training hard enough, he'd have to look into it later. Taking his helmet off, the smell of burning flesh invades his senses.

"Oh God, what is that smell?" Kaidan asks, backing up in surprise.  
"They turned the decontamination protocol on, with the staff still inside." Shepard says, her voice devoid of emotion. But he knew these kind of things haunted her later, believing that there was a way she could've prevented it. Shepard had no issue killing criminals, thugs, or people who harmed others, not even husks who used to be human. She understood that they had done wrong & would continue unless stopped. When it came down to the bare minimum it was either them or her. Kaidan had asked her one time about how she could easily shoot husks with no regard toward it, & she had simply stated that whoever it used to be was no more & was beyond care, killing them was freeing them. Shepard expected the same from her crew if she ever became something monstrous. Kaidan had a hard time accepting this then, but now it made much more sense to him. He was very narrow minded when it came to these things, something he hated.

They held their breath as they opened the door & moved swiftly into the adjacent room, breathing in the clean air when the door shuts behind them. Opening the next door, they're surprised by the turret firing on them but easily skirt around it. Shepard's biotics flare brightly & her eyes glow bright purple, her annoyance at being forced into cover evident. Kaidan throws a reave as Shepard charges into the middle of the group, ending the fight as quickly as it started.

Liara makes quick work at disabling the turret, but cannot activate the tram. An idea pops into his head & he shares it, then jogs out of the room & calls to Shepard when he finds a helmet intact.

Accidentally opening the helmet, he staggers backwards.  
"My God, he looks like a husk." Kaidan says, unable to take his eyes away from the soldier.  
"Not quite, but they've definitely done something to him." Shepard says, slipping the transmitter from the helmet.  
"Meaning Cerberus? Is that what they did to you?" Kaidan says, crossing his arms over his chest.  
"How can you compare me to him?" Shepard remarks offended, but humor seeps into her tone & Kaidan can't help but chuckle.  
"Sorry, you're right you don't look anything like that." Kaidan says, the laughter from his eyes drain just as fast as it appeared.  
"But I just feel like you're some stranger ever since Cerberus rebuilt you. I don't know anything about you & that scares me." Kaidan says, his voice cracking as he tries to remain mono-toned.  
"Kaidan…" Shepard says, her eyes rest on the floor as she shifts away from him & she seems somewhat smaller than she was a moment ago.  
"Don't try to explain it, I wouldn't understand it." Kaidan says, shaking his head & stepping closer to her.  
"What I do want to know, is if my closest friend, one who is so dear to me, the strong & beautiful woman that I'd follow into hell, is she still there? Somewhere…?" Kaidan says, raising a hand to cup her chin & tilt her face toward him.  
"There's nothing they could have done to change me, & what we have isn't something that can ever be broken or destroyed." Shepard says, running a hand softy over his cheek & the stubble growing there. He places his hand ontop of hers, as her eyes run over his face, taking it all in.  
"It'll take a lot of convincing…" Kaidan says, looking into her bright golden eyes & he can feel the impact straight down to his toes.  
"We'll see…" Shepard says giving a smirk & moving away from him.  
"In the meantime, let's see if this works." Shepard says, talking into the transmitter.

Kaidan takes the left position, & Liara the right, while Shepard hides behind the door. As the door lifts, she charges into the center of the fray. She pushes the troops out & toward Kaidan & Liara, soon they're surrounded in the open. She jumps & dodges around in a circle, using troops as cover.

—-

They finish the troops rather quickly, unprepared for the ambush & thrown off balance by Shepard's herding them out into the open. They don't get very far on the tram before a bomb goes off, stopping their car. Another pulls up along side of them & Shepard pulls a group off, they helplessly fall into the void below. After kicking out the bodies, Shepard starts the tram as Kaidan & Liara prepare for the firefight ahead.

Wave after wave of troops go down, Shepard is on fire as the commands the center of the room. Kaidan & Liara are left with those skirting around on the edges in fear. They pick the bodies clean of ammo & move into the archives.

Kaidan remains on guard, skirting around the perimeter. He can hear Shepard & Liara talking to someone else. Then Liara's surprised & defeated voice, as he encounters a woman busy at work on a console.

"Stop right there." Kaidan says, pushing the barrel of the gun against her neck. In the next moment, he's on his face & a burst of sparks blind him momentarily as the woman sprints away.

Kaidan gets up in time to see Shepard hot on her tail. Kaidan & Liara try to keep up, but Shepard is gaining on the woman. They reach the roof, but the woman jumps onto a shuttle & they try shooting her down to no avail. Then out of the corner of his eye, he see's their shuttle hurtling down with speed toward the Cerberus shuttle. He pulls Shepard against him as he dives & flares up his barrier. The shuttle hits & flings them backwards, landing in a pile on the ground. He can feel the warmth of her body against his & her heart beating frantically. Kaidan picks his head up, & looks into Shepard's eyes, glowing light purple with their combined biotics. He untangles himself from her & looks for Liara, as Shepard waves James down.

He helps Liara up, but the door from the Cerberus shuttle pops out as the woman, no, robot, steps out from the wreckage. Kaidan pushes Liara behind him & pulls his pistol out, sending two shots into her head but she keeps coming. Gripping his helmet, she lifts him up & asks for her orders, his heart nearly stops when he hears the answer. _This is it, I'm going to die. I'm so sorry Shepard._ The last thing he hears before his brain shuts down, is Shepard's tortured cry calling his name. No, please don't cry…

—-

"Kaidan!" Shepard screams, her heart breaking into a million shards.  
The robot drops Kaidan & runs at her, but Shepard is faster, stealing her shields & sending one bullet straight between her eyes. When it lays dead, she runs to Kaidan. Aware of Joker in her ear informing her of the incoming reapers, she uses all the strength in her body to haul Kaidan over her back & carries him into the Normandy. The same thought repeating throughout her mind, Please don't take this man from me, it'll be end of me if he dies, I love him.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard has been relying on her biotics to keep Kaidan on her back as she makes her way to the med bay. The last time she had to pick him up, he had been heavy but within her range of weight. A thought for another time slipped into her mind briefly before she shook it out. She places his carefully on one of the beds in the med bay, looking over him.

"Shepard, he needs medical help. We need to leave the Sol system now." Liara ducking her head in Shepards line of vision, blocking Kaidan from her view.  
"I know, Joker's on it." Shepard says, agitated.  
"Go work with EDI to see what you can pull off that…thing. It better have something worthwhile on it." Shepard orders, gathering supplies around the room to fix Kaidan.  
"What about you? Are you okay?" Liara asks, placing a hand on her arm.  
"No, I'm not okay & right now I want everybody to leave. Now. And later we're going to have a discussion about following orders, because you seem to have forgotten how that works. For now, get out." Shepard says, putting strong emphasis on the last two words.

Shepard knows she was too hard on them, but right now she is stretched thinly & needs a moment to herself. Busying herself in helping Kaidan was as welcome a distraction as it was painful. She would have a few minutes to herself before they arrived at the Citadel & then she had to be Commander Shepard again. There was no room for a woman crying over potentially losing the one thing she cared about in the world, the one thing that she fought to keep & protect.

Shepard carefully removed his armor without moving his head & then removed his breather from the helmet, easily slipping the helmet free without pulling at his head. Shepard knew she could do nothing for his head injuries & instead took care of his smaller bruises & cuts. As she worked, tears slid down her cheeks to softly land on his still body. Kaidan's heart still beat & his body was fighting to survive. She murmurs to Kaidan as she works, bringing back memories & telling him of things he's missed when they were apart.

"We're here Commander & Hackett wants to speak to you on vid com." Joker said, coming over the intercom. There was concern in his voice, but he knew her better than anyone & knew not to ask. Shepard would talk if she wanted to & when she was ready.

Shepard straightened up & pulled herself together, wanting to touch his face but thinking against it. She leaves the room quickly.

—-

After meeting with the Council, it's left a sour taste in her mouth. They were being incrediably narrow minded & self absorbed. But she puts it out of her mind for the time being.

Shepard pauses outside Kaidan's door for a moment, bracing herself for what she would see or what she wouldn't see. Willing herself, she enters. Kaidan lies shirtless on the bed, his chest rising stronger than before.

"It kills me inside to see you like this. I can't help thinking that if I had been the one to help Liara, you wouldn't be lying here. You would have reacted fast enough to shoot that thing before it got close to me, but I wasn't. Please fight, the Alliance needs you in this war, but more importantly, I _need_ you. There's a lot left unsaid between us & I don't want it to end like this, please Kaidan, for me." Shepard says, placing a hand softly at his cheek as a solitary tear lands on his chest.

The doctor comes in & offers his sympathy, swearing to do everything in his power to get the Major functional again.

"If there's anything you need, just let me know." Shepard says, backing out of the room & throwing one last glance at Kaidan.

—-

Palaven passes in a blur, & all Shepard can think of is getting back to the Citadel to check on Kaidan. She uses the excuse of stocking up on supplies, but sneaks off to the hospital once her crew is out of sight.

Kaidan's eyelids are still closed, but he looks better than before. Shepard pulls up a chair, & sits. She lightly takes his hand in hers, & eventually she falls asleep.

Shepard awakens to soft pressure in her hand, & looks to see Kaidan's hand now grasping her hand. His head tilts down on the pillow to look at her.

They say nothing, but eventually Joker comes over Shepard's com informing her about a distress signal & a lab Hackett wants looked into. Kaidan's eyes are drooping still heavy with drugs, & she slips her hand out of his, whispering her confession as she leaves.


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard had her work cut out for her, but she still managed to visit Kaidan every moment she could spare. Every time she visited, Kaidan was still unconscious making her wonder if she had dreamed that he had woken.

After rescuing the students from Grissom Academy, & catching up with Jack, Traynor notified her of a message from Kaidan. Seeing there was nothing extremely important to do, she went to him but when she got to his door, she became shy.

"Hey." Shepard says, scratching her neck as his face turned to her.  
"Shepard, hey" Kaidan says brightly, his face turning up at the sight of her.  
"Wow, how long have I been out? What'd I miss?" Kaidan says, reaching out a hand to brush her hair back & have a better look at the scar running across her face.  
Shepard chuckled nervously, & Kaidan's hand dropped from her face. As soon as the contact was gone, she missed it.  
"How are you feeling?" Shepard asks, wanting to hold his hand, her mind drifting to her first visit.  
"Much better, the doc has me on a strict regimen to get me back on my feet fast. I wish I was with you on the Normandy, I don't like sitting here helpless when I'm needed elsewhere. What have you been up to while I was…well." Kaidan says, cutting off & staring at Shepard's face intently.  
"We rescued some biotic students from Grissom Academy, I think you would've liked that mission a lot. You would have had a chance to meet Jack & a boy, David, that I'd saved from a Cerberus project back when…" Shepard says, looking at the floor & sitting back. "Um, we picked up Garrus when we had to go to Palaven to get the Primarch. Wrex is on board the Normandy as we speak, I had to negotiate a treaty between the Turians & Krogan. In return for sending troops, Wrex wants a cure & I'm going to give it to them with the help of an old friend." Shepard says, avoiding the topic of Cerberus & the related time.

"Wait, you're curing the genophage?" Kaidan asks, shock evident on his face. "Wow, I uh…need some time to process that." Kaidan says, shaking his head.  
"You don't approve…?" Shepard asks, preparing herself for an argument.  
"I do, & while I trust Wrex, what about the other Krogan?" Kaidan asks.  
"Long story short, the female Krogan that is immune to the genophage is going to work with Wrex. Together they're going to make the others see how revenge wouldn't solve anything." Shepard says.  
"Good job, I don't anyone else could've gotten all of that to work out nicely." Kaidan says, a proud smile on his face & Shepard can't help but smile back.  
"It's not over yet, but thanks. That means a lot to me." Shepard says, sitting forward & resting her hands on her knees.  
"So I just need to clear something up, we're good right? I've had time to think about how I acted on Horizon & how I acted on Mars, I'm sorry." Kaidan says, sincerity ringing deep.  
"I'm sorry too, I should've contacted you & I shouldn't have reacted the way I did on Horizon either. I can't stand fighting with you & if you don't want me to talk about that time, the time I spent with Cerberus, I'd understand." Shepard says, looking up from under her lashes.  
"From what I heard, you met some incredible people & I'd like to hear all about it." Kaidan says, taking her hand in his.

So, she told him & he listened the whole time, focusing intently on every detail. She told him how badly she couldn't stand Miranda & how bossy she could be. But after helping her with her sister, she felt so sorry for Miranda, sympathizing because they both came from rough childhoods, parent-less. She told him of Jack, initially meeting her & wanted to kill her. But after peeling away Jack's walls, there was nothing but another scared girl like her former self. Shepard choked up a little when she mentioned how Samara had to kill her own daughter.

But when she had to talk about Mordin & Thane she had to stop talking because her throat was choked up. Mordin was dead, & Thane would shortly follow. They both shared a laugh at how impulsive Grunt was & how he reminded them of another Krogan they knew. When she talked about Zaeed, Kaidan commented on how she managed to find another person just like her. She told him about Joker, Garrus, Tali & her run in with Liara. She noted how she thought Kaidan would've liked Jacob & Samara very much, both wanted to help people no matter the cost.

"And Kasumi, well she's just the perkiest person you'll ever meet but that's what's great about her." Shepard finished, taking a deep breath.

—-

Kaidan watched as Shepard's face lighted each time she mentioned a memory & when she talked about her old squad. And then she was done, & he could understand her joy at having those people in her life, they were remarkable.

"I wish I had joined you on Horizon." Kaidan says, looking down.  
"Me too, but you had a responsibility to the Alliance & I still respect your choice." Shepard says, giving his hand a squeeze.  
"Shepard, there's some things I need to tell you. Even after all this time, I still…I still have feelings for you. I don't want to put them on the back burner anymore either." Kaidan says, pulling her hand to rest on his chest.  
"I'm happy to hear that." Shepard says, smiling. Kaidan leans forward & kisses her on the cheek.  
"I don't think I've seen you smile, really smile, in a long time. But I can promise you, there will be a lot more of them." Kaidan says, giving her a wink as he leans back to rest his head on the pillow.  
"I should probably go, Joker mentioned Hackett wanting me to investigate a Cerberus lab before I set off for Tuchunka." Shepard says, not wanting to leave.  
"Good luck, & maybe try to sneak in a visit before you go to Tuchunka, I get lonely. Give Cerberus hell for me will you?" Kaidan says, kissing her hand as she pulls away.  
"With pleasure." Shepard says, walking toward the door.  
"And Shepard, be careful." Kaidan says, almost willing himself to stand so he could fight alongside her.  
"Always." Shepard says, disappearing from sight.

That night he dreamed of Shepard.


	5. Chapter 5

It felt good to infiltrate the Cerberus lab. After hearing Hackett's plan to capture the lab, she felt like it was a jab at the Illusive Man, letting him know Shepard was coming for him.

She ordered a stop at the Citadel on the way to Tuchunka, & headed to the Hospital to see Kaidan. She was more than surprised to find him standing in front of his window, back towards her. She slipped her arm into the crook of his as she stood beside him & rested her head on his shoulder.  
"Hey Kaidan, thinking about anything in particular?" Shepard asks, closing her eyes.  
"Well, I have a little surprise for you. I accepted Udina's offer to become a Spectre." Kaidan says, turning to face Shepard & taking her hands in his.  
"Spectre? Kaidan I'm so proud of you." Shepard said, throwing her arms around his neck & pulling him into a hug.  
"Thanks Shepard, it means a lot to me to have your approval. It's a huge responsibility & you set the bar pretty high, but I'll try not to disappoint." Kaidan says, holding her hands in between them.  
"There's nothing you could do to disappoint me or the Council, you're perfect for the job. But I thought you wanted to come back on the Normandy?" Shepard asks, afraid of the answer.  
"I do, I just need to take care of somethings before I do, that is if you'll have me." Kaidan says, looking at their hands.  
"Of course & take as long as you need, just don't keep me waiting." Shepard says, grinning.

"Udina's setting up a small party in celebration here on the Citadel, & I was wondering, Shepard would you honor me by accompanying me?" Kaidan asks, a slight blush creeping up on his face.  
"What, am I not invited?" Shepard asks, chuckling & grinning ear to ear.  
"No, you're invited but I thought you would want to go together…" Kaidan stumbles, going quiet.  
"What do you want?" Shepard says quietly, bending her head so she was blocking the floor from his view.  
"I want you to go with me." Kaidan says, meeting her eyes before flickering away.  
"It'd be my pleasure." Shepard says, smiling & kissing him on his red cheek.  
"It's a week from today, so I'll pick you up from the Normandy at say 6?" Kaidan asks, his cheeks returning to normal.  
"It's a date then. For now though, I need to get back to work but I'll make it with time to spare, promise." Shepard says, giving his hands a gentle squeeze before backing out of the room.  
"I'm holding you to it." Kaidan says, chuckling.

—-

After Tuchunka, Shepard was in no mood to party. She sat in her cabin, unwilling to go to Wrex's celebration. Mordin was dead & even though it was on his terms, fixing his mistake, she would still miss him terribly.  
"Shepard, they're waiting for you." Joker said over the com.  
"I'll be there in a moment." Shepard replied, putting her head in her hands, trying to keep the tears back.  
There was a knock at her door, & Joker limped in.  
"You said that ten times already, now get up & get out there. Wrex & Bakara want you there, & just because I'm a crippled doesn't mean I can't kick your ass. Now go." Joker said, standing in front her of her.  
"Fine, I'm going." Shepard said, getting up & walking to her door.

Wrex had a moment of silence for Mordin & Shepard let one tear fall, that was all she would allow herself. Back on the Normandy after saying her goodbye's to Wrex & Bakara, Traynor notified her of a waiting call on the vid com. It was the Dalatrass & he had some distressing news, Shepard set a course immediately for the Citadel & felt the hair on her arms stand on end. Something was very wrong.

It didn't sound any better as they approached the Citadel, & when Thane managed to contact them, Shepard's anger began to boil. The Illusive Man had some gall to try & take the Citadel, & Shepard would not allow that to happen like it had to Omega.

—

They located the Dalatrass, but when Shepard thought they were in the clear, a man dropped out of the shadows. Distracting him, Thane crept up unseen from behind & as the man prepared to fight, Thane had him or so she thought. The two assassins were locked in a deadly fight, dancing around each other, neither one gaining any ground. Within the blink of an eye, Thane was on the floor & blood pooling around him as the assassin ran off.

They lost him in the fire fight that followed, & arrived too late to stop his approach to the rest of the Council. Once in the elevator air shaft, Bailey notified them that the Councilor's elevator was approaching & they jumped aboard. Someone from inside fired shots that they easily avoided.

Opening the door, they stepped into the light & Shepard locked eyes with Kaidan aiming at gun at her.

—-

Kaidan flipped around as they made their way back to the door, & it slid open, revealing Shepard, James & Garrus. All were aiming their guns at the Council.  
"Shepard, what are you doing?" Kaidan asks, confused but keeping his gun raised.  
"Lower your gun Kaidan, you don't know what's going on." Shepard says, holding steadfast.  
"No, I don't think you know what you're doing, aiming guns at the Council. Kinda looks bad." Kaidan says, stepping in front & blocking her shot.  
"Udina is plotting with the Illusive Man & there is an assassin in the elevator behind us, now put your gun down & move." Shepard says, making eye contact with Kaidan.  
"Kaidan listen to her, Shepard's telling the truth." Garrus says, lowering his gun.  
"We should listen to Shepard, we trusted her with our lives before." Sparatus says, stepping out from behind Kaidan.  
"She's worked with Cerberus, she could be a mole & still working for them, how do we know?" Udina says, anger seeping into his voice.  
"No, the last time we didn't listen to her we ended up in this mess. I believe her." Tevos says, moving next to Sparatus.  
"Shepard just lower your weapon, I got this." Kaidan says, moving to block Udina.

Udina having enough of the run around, pulls out a gun, aiming it at Tevos. Garrus raises his gun & Kaidan turns his attention to him. Shepard's gun goes off & Kaidan's heart sinks to his stomach.


	6. Chapter 6

Time slows down, & while Kaidan knows it's futile, he still tries to bring his barrier up. The bullet passes by his face, grazing his cheek leaving a streak of red & continues through. Shepard isn't one to miss, ever, so if she wasn't aiming at him, then who? The bullet makes contact & another gun goes off. When Kaidan turns around, Udina's on his back with gun in hand, a pool of blood spanning out around his head.

Kaidan turns around & makes eye contact with Shepard, the raw emotion evident in her eyes as it is likely reflected in his. His legs almost collapse from her under him from the overwhelming emotions coursing through his body, & his gun slips through his fingers to clatter on the floor. His feet glued to the ground as he flips through emotion after emotion, but then Tevos shouts about the door & that's all he needs to shake out of it.

Instead, Bailey & a guard pops out of the elevator explaining the situation. They quickly move the Councilors to a secure location. Kaidan welcomes the coming debriefing, giving him something to focus on besides having a standoff with a woman he cared so deeply about. His heart gives a palpitated squeeze at the memory of it & sound of the gun going off, her face cold & unreadable, unrecognizable.

—

Shepard saw her moment, & took the shot before she hesitated, again. Kaidan was distracted by Garrus aiming his gun & all it took was for him to move his head slightly & she had a clear shot. She prayed to God that he wouldn't move or try anything that would get him killed, & the bullet hit true as it planted itself into Udina's head. As he fell back, a red rose bloomed on his forehead as he fell & his eyes closed, his hand firing the gun out of the sheer impact of the bullet. It was done, but when Kaidan turned around she could see every emotion in his eyes & it sent her over the edge. Shepard knew he would be upset, but his eyes clearly held betrayal & disappointment.

Bailey ordered her & her squad to meet for a debriefing, meanwhile she could help clear the dead bodies. The distraction was welcoming, even if bloody bodies was the last thing she wanted to see. If he had moved any more, he could've died & been just another body. Clearing bodies seemed less like a distraction as her mind made the connection, it was torturous.

Kaidan was waiting for her outside of the airlock to the Normandy.  
"Kaidan…I-I think we need to talk about what just happened…" Shepard says, unsure of where to begin.  
"We really just need to talk about three things." Kaidan says, crossing his arms in front of himself.  
"Would you have been able to take the shot & kill me if you needed to, if someone's life depended on it, could you have done it?" Kaidan asks, his voice devoid of emotion & making eye contact.

Shepard had thought a lot about it since it happened, a small part of her said she could've, but the majority said no. Even if it wasn't a shot to kill but to release the gun from his hand.

"Give me your honest answer." Kaidan says, after noting her hesitation. "And look me in eyes, dammit, I think I deserve that much!" Kaidan says, keeping his voice low but spitting the words out with venom & hostility.  
"No. Even if it I shot your hand to disarm you, the pain & guilt of knowing I had caused you pain, I would never be able to live with myself." Shepard says quietly, looking into his eyes & making him believe with her eyes.

Kaidan stared at her quietly & for a while, all was quiet. Then Kaidan lets out sigh & rubs his eyes with the heel of his hands.  
"When did it come down to this madness, to the point where we're aiming guns at friends, at people we care so much about? I'm sorry Shepard, I had to know & while we're being honest, I couldn't have pulled the trigger either." Kaidan says, rubbing his temples.  
"So what other stuff did you want to discuss?" Shepard asks, dismissing the topic & glad it ended the way it did.  
"Well, I was thinking about how that went down & I know you did it to save the Council. But when it comes down to it, it's a matter of integrity." Kaidan says into his hands.  
"You're talking about Udina…I had other choices, but I choose to take him out because I know that if I didn't, it wouldn't have ended well. I acted with integrity & I did what was best for everyone." Shepard says.  
"When you put it that way, then yeah. Huh, I guess it's really not my place though." Kaidan says, giving a light chuckle as he glanced at Shepard.  
"It is, you're my closest friend & I care about your opinion, value it hightly, it matters to me." Shepard says, turning his face towards her.  
"So now that we cleared the air, are we okay?" Shepard asks, giving a tentative smile.  
"If you'll still be my date to my Spectre party, then yeah we're good. It's still on, as everything was set up before hand." Kaidan says, a thoughtful look in his eyes.  
"Of course, it's tomorrow isn't it? I need to get cleaned up & write reports. I guess you're moving back onto the Normandy too, am I right?" Shepard asks, grinning.  
"Good old crew quarters, I just hope James hasn't messed with any of my stuff. But I'll meet you in the mess hall same time as before…?" Kaidan says, giving a small smile.  
"That's the plan, & welcome back, Major Alenko." Shepard says sarcastically, giving a wink.  
"I just need to let you know though, I'll never doubt you again. I got your back, no matter what." Kaidan says, turning & walking onto the Normandy ahead of her.

—

The night called for formal wear, & nobody on the ship had a tux. Kaidan was in a fix as he paced, trying to think of place where he could find a tux. Huh, nowhere. Great.  
"Major Alenko, there is a package waiting for you on your bunk, courtesy of Admiral Hackett." EDI announced over the com in the Starboard observation deck.  
Curious, Kaidan traveled back into the crew cabin to find a box wrapped on his bunk like promised. Opening it, all his previous stress left his body in a rush as he prepared for a very interesting night ahead.

—

The last time Shepard wore a dress was in her childhood, she loved the way they looked & how they made her feel like a woman, not Commander Shepard. But they were impractical in her line of work & were never purchased after her enlistment. She was lost & out of luck. A knock sounded at her door & Liara popped in with a package in her hands.

"This was sent over by Admiral Hackett personally. Do you want help getting ready?" Liara asked, setting the package down on her bed.  
"Yeah, I think I could use the help…it's been a long, very long time since…well, you know." Shepard says, scratching her head.

She eyed the box & decided to open it now, & she pulled out the dress. Shepard heard Liara's intake of breath at the sight of the dress, & all she could think about was how Kaidan would die when he saw her in this. She had goosebumps all over her arms & felt a sudden, giddiness creep up on her. To say it was going to be an interesting night was an understatement.


	7. Chapter 7

*_Her white dress I imagined like the sheer white dress in Destino  
_

Shepard couldn't stop her jaw from dropping when she looked at herself in the mirror. The dress was white with short off shoulder silky sleeves, which were jeweled as well as the bodice. She was very happy the dress had built in cups, because all she owned were cheap regulation bra's. In the center where the straps connected was a large white jewel. The bodice was tight & fit all of her curves, & at her hips the jewels faded out into the skirt of the dress. The dress was long, it brushed the floor even with the heels on, but it became transparent mid thigh, showing off most of her lean & curvy legs. The back wasn't any more modest either, it was open till mid back & had intricate detailing along the hem of the back.

Shepard admired the heels that came with the dress. They were ruby red & at least 5 inches high. The heel was artistically curved with a carved snake wrapping around the heel up to the toe. She was lucky they were easy to walk in, otherwise she would have sat the whole night out & she wanted to dance badly.  
"If you can stop gawking at yourself in the mirror for a moment, you should probably do your hair & makeup." Liara says, chuckling at Shepard's awe.

Shepard let Liara pull her hair back, but stopped her from putting it up. She always had her hair up, & she wanted everyone to see it down. She kept her makeup simple, never one to admire the new trends everyone wore on the Citadel. Her lips were nude with a light shimmer dusted across; her eyes smoldered & brought out her amber eyes. When she was done, she put her shoes on & made sure everything was in place. Looking into the mirror, she didn't see Commander Shepard, she saw Robin & it pleased her.

—

Kaidan was astounded to find the ship empty, he wasn't complaining because it was nice to get ready for the party alone in the crew chambers. But where was everyone? He needed to find someone to help him with his bow tie & nobody was around. He didn't expect Liara to know to tie a bow, but Dr. Chakwas had to know. When he looked in the med bay it was deserted as well, which was odd since Dr. Chakwas never left her post. It was almost time to go & here he was with his bow untied & no one in sight.

Kaidan decided it was useless, so he made his way up to the airlock to wait for Shepard. Joker & EDI were deep in conversation, so he left them alone & tried to at least make the tie look decent. He heard the elevator doors open but didn't turn around, until he heard soft footsteps, & Joker & EDI ceased talking.

Kaidan turned around & he only had eyes for Shepard. She was stunning in a white dress that looked like it was made for her, her chestnut red hair falls down her back in tousled waves, a few hairs fell in front of her eyes which she brushed back behind her ear. A shy smile crept onto her face as she searched his eyes, waiting.  
"Shepard…you look absolutely beautiful." Kaidan says, unable to pull his eyes from hers. The shyness leaves as a grin appears on her face, she reaches out to pull apart his bow & redoes it.  
"Now that your bow is fixed, I can say the same for you." Shepard says, a teasing glint in her glowing golden eyes.  
"Shall we?" Kaidan says, putting his arm out for her to take.  
"We shall." Shepard says, placing her hand in the crook of his arm as they walk out of the Normandy.

As they enter the room, everyone goes silent as the look at the pair gliding down the stairs, each a compliment to the other. Reporters swarm them as they reach the foot of the stairs, but in swoops Garrus shewing them away.  
"You both look amazing, & congratulations Kaidan, hope to see you back on the Normandy. We could sure use you." Garrus says, patting him on the back as he stalks off.  
James saunters over the crowd clearing for the large man, with a woman around each arm. He opens his mouth to say something, but decides against it instead.  
"Sorry Kaidan, but Lola here looks much better than you. But hey, congrats on becoming a Spectre, just don't let it get to your head, aye man?" James says, chuckling to himself.  
"See you later lovebirds, I'm going show off my moves on the dance floor." James says, as the song changes.

Shepard eventually leaves him to go off on her own for a moment, so he continues along by himself. He's surprised to see all of the crew at the party as well, even Joker & EDI. As people come up to congratulate him, out of the corner of his eye he can see Shepard. The people continue to converse but his attention is all on Shepard, she looks nothing like the Commander he's so used to. Kaidan's never seen this side of Shepard, the just an average women doing a job side. He can't help but admire her, & he wants to hit himself on the head for not telling her enough how amazing she looks tonight.

The Turian Councilor comes over the com & makes a toast to him, but he is unprepared for the dance in his honor. Kaidan is left in the middle of the dance floor, & he has lost sight of Shepard. But then she steps out from the crowd & the light turns onto her, illuminating her as if she glows from within. He's dumbstruck as he finally realizes Shepard is _his_ & his alone, & he can't help but feel like the luckiest man alive.

—

Shepard excuses herself after a while, & goes over to talk to some old acquaintances. She can't help but feel slightly disappointed with Kaidan, she expected a bigger reaction from him & when she excused herself, he didn't protest in the slightest. The Turian Councilor starts a toast to Kaidan, & the lights dim as the crowd clears the dance floor for what she can only guess, is a dance in his honor. Kaidan looks lost as he glances around the room, & she makes her way toward him. As the crowd parts for her & the light turns on her, she makes eye contact with him.

It was like everything else in the room ceased to exist from that moment on, because all he seemed to see was her. Shepard reaches him, & places her hand in his & the music starts. They move around the room, but never break eye contact once, not even after others join in. The song ends, but another picks up & she rests her head on his shoulder as they sway to the music.  
"Do you want to go someplace alone, someplace quiet?" Kaidan's voice sounds in her ear, a low murmur that brings goosebumps across her skin. In response she pulls her head back & smiles, taking his arm as they walk into the garden.

They don't say anything as they stroll past hedges & flowers, the path lighted by the artificial night sky. They make their way to the balcony that looks over the fountains that run the length of the Citadel, & she leans her forearms onto it as she looks over the water.  
"It's so peaceful." Shepard says, but when she turns to Kaidan he slides over the balcony & holds his hand out.  
"Come on, I want to show you something." Kaidan says, his hand still waiting.  
Shepard hops up & slides her legs over the balcony. She places her hand in his, & hops down, running into his chest. Kaidan doesn't let go of her hand & instead guides her down to the waters edge where he sits down & begins taking off his shoes.  
"What are you doing?" Shepard says, confused as he rolls his pant legs up & sticks his feet into the water.  
"Relaxing, come sit." Kaidan says, patting the ground next to him.  
Shepard smirks, gathers her skirt in her hands & kicks off her shoes as she sits down next to him. She places her feet in the water, moving them gently & lays her head on his shoulder as his arm comes around her drawing her closer.  
"I couldn't have said this enough but you looked beautiful tonight." Kaidan says, kissing her forehead.  
"We need more moments like these." Shepard says, nestling herself closer to him.

After a while, there's a shout from above & Kaidan jerks away, but when he realizes it's not directed at them he moves back.  
"Kaidan, why do you do that?" Shepard says, sitting up & pulling her feet out of the water.  
"Do what?" Kaidan says, confusion in his features.  
"Move away whenever someone is near & go silent whenever I say things related to us. You barely put your hand around me during the party & didn't seem the least bit concerned when I left you. Is it because you're ashamed or is it what made you hesitate all those times on the first Normandy?" Shepard says, standing up as her anger rises. When he looks away & doesn't answer, she walks away.  
"Shepard wait!" Kaidan says, jumping up & running after her.  
"My name isn't Shepard, just like your name isn't Alenko! It's Robin, remember? God, Kaidan, what are you afraid of? Hackett & Anderson know about us, just like the whole crew knows we have feelings for each other, so why hide it!?" Shepard screams at him, as she jumps over the balcony & puts her shoes back on.  
"I don't know…" Kaidan says, dropping his hands helplessly.  
"Well when you do, tell me cause I'd like to know." Shepard says, as she leaves the party.

—

Kaidan runs into the party to look for her but when people laugh at him, he remembers he forgot his shoes. He returns but there is no sight of Shepard, & a reporter ropes him into a conversation. He knows it's useless to look for her & he should focus on the rest of the party, a party thrown in his honor but seems more & more like a mockery. Udina used him like a tool & now Shepard's angry with him.

When it's over, he finds her in her cabin & instead of waiting for an answer he goes in. She's bent over her desk with her head in her hands, still in her dress.  
"I don't know what you want from me Shep-Robin…but I'm sorry." Kaidan says, catching himself with her name as he stands behind her.  
She stands & turns to face him, her face unreadable as she reaches up a hand to brush across his cheek. She leans in & touches her lips to his, a whisper of a kiss.  
"I want you to want to be with me as badly as I want to be with you. I want you stop being so worrisome & shy, stop thinking that what we have is wrong. I want you to be yourself, truly yourself for once." Shepard says, her fingers tracing the outline of his lips before covering them once more.

Shepard removes her hands from his face, wraps one around his waist pulling him closer & the other bringing his hand up to cup her face. He pulls back when she reaches into his jacket, realizing her intentions. But with one look in her piercing eyes, he pushes all his worries behind him as a fire grows inside him.

Kaidan brings his mouth down on her's, & her lips part, drawing him in. Their tongues dance around each other, as he brushes his hands down her back. He finds the zipper & pulls it down as she unbuttons his jacket. He pulls his hands out of it & Shepard turns to walk toward the bed. Her back muscles ripple across her body behind her hair as she removes each arm from it's sleeve, & the dress falls to the ground as she steps out in nothing but her skimpy underwear. He couldn't remove his eyes from her as she glances over a shoulder & then turns to face him.

—

Shepard walks toward him, & catches his eye as he looks over her body. She stops in front of him, pulling his bow free she unbuttons his shirt as his hands sends shivers all across her body & his mouth claims hers. When his shirt falls open, she tugs on the collar pulling him back towards the bed. Kaidan picks her up in his arms, & sets her on the bed as he removes his shirt & his shoes.

Shepard grabs his belt & pulls him down on top of her. He trails kisses down her neck & takes one of her nipples into his mouth, lightly nibbling on it as her head falls back in contentment. His rough hands run down her sides, & he loops a thumb in the waist band of her underwear. She pulls his face back up to hers, as her hands unbuckle his pants, pushing them down with his underwear. He kicks them off as he makes his way down her stomach, stopping at the fabric in between her thighs. She glances down at him, wondering why he stopped & makes eye contact with him as he pulls her panties off. He doesn't break eye contact, as he kisses the soft mound in between her legs.

Kaidan kisses & sucks on her clit, his hands resting on her hips. Her head falls back as he slips a finger into her, making her back arch. Her breath starts coming in pants as she runs her hands through his hair, & he slips another finger inside her, increasing his speed. He nips her & it sends her over, jolting her upright. She slumps back down on the bed as he crawls back up to her, she pushes him & rolls on top of him.

Looking down at him, she reaches for him & runs her fingers over his growing erection, rubbing it against her entrance. He moans, as she teases him, & when he lets out another moan, slides down on top of him & captures his lips as a moan leaves them both. She rocks her hips & his hands roam her body, as hers fly down his chest & arms. Another orgasm builds inside her as she leans upright, placing her hands on his sleek chest as she picks up the pace. He meets her half way, each thrust matching her push, & her back arches as he continues to pump into her. She feels his moment of release as she rides it with him, & she collapses on his chest.


End file.
